Rob-world

Put my headphones on, and listened to HEDLEY sing. Saw a great Robin Williams film tonight, BOULEVARD.   I used to act similarly to Williams in this movie; going around talking to random hustlers on Santa Monica Blvd.,  about why they were doing what they did,  without judgement, and, back  then (the mid to late 80s) asking were they protecting themselves against  this new disease called A.I.D.S.  Some were, some weren't; the money was better if they didn't.  I never crossed the line with any of them though; meeting them, for me, wasn't about getting my kit off.  More  about learning who they were as people; these boys who were only viewed as cum dumps by most... other men. Now  Matt Nathanson is  singing  in my ears.

I

I'm looking for where I failed in 2015 to see where to focus my resolution energy.  Writing of course; even succeeding at  this is irregular at  best.  Finding friends?  I worry that I'm too self-involved now  to be a good friend. For over a decade now I've  put my recovery selfishly, even cruelly and probably detrimentally  first. That  has to stop. There has to be more to me than my recovery, there simply has to. There is, but no  one's looked  for  it,  really, in over  a decade.  I don't need to just get back to where I was at the end of January, 1999.   But where I can be, now. I would miss the old me, but really, what's the  point in that?

Meeting tomorrow; I've GOT TO get to bed.  After Meeting, I've gotta go get champers for New Year's Eve. GOT TO. Veuve Cliqcot, if I can afford it. Hopefully, the store will still have the small bottles.