Rob-world

He’s gone from assisting in my recovery , to being its hindrance. He does, & has been doing things for me, instead of with me. That’s just no good.  I have to be allowed to fail, repeatedly if need be, to learn from my mistakes.  Butch, bless his heart, sees it as his job, to keep me from failing.  Only, it’s not; in fact, it’s the opposite.  He has to give me enough rope, to hang myself, then, when I inevitably do, cut me down in time to keep me from dying.   Then, repeat.  I’m still making my way  back from 1/31/99.  I still have cognitive difficulties I’m trying to overcome. Probably will for the rest of my G-d life. Ian & Glen did a real # on me.  Often, I worry I’m just NOT strong enough to keep recovering, and having to fight to fulfill what I deem as basic, cognitive recovery skills, is demoralizing at best.   Peter, Butch, & Gil don’t really KNOW me well enough, now, to know what they are; often, even I don’t, until...

Butch has been giving me a lot of grief lately over my desires to be more involved in handling my own tasks of daily living.  All of it has me thinking, seriously, do I need Butch anymore? He’s a HUGE drain on my finances, I think, the biggest drain I have; and while my recovery has made my need for him only decrease, his cost, through legitimate raises and such, has only increased.   I’ll mull this over this weekend, and pray on it this 1st day.  I raised it in therapy this past week, more just to hear it out loud than anything else.