Rob-world

I’’M TRAVELING TO Montreal soon, and there is something epic in the idea of killing yourself in the city where you were allegedly conceived.  I’m so down on myself, these days, that that little bit of synchronicity seems mighty appealing.  They’ll give financial control for the trip to Butch because I’m FUCKING INCAPABLE of handling my own money.  I’m in a constant state of depression because I lost all autonomy in the aftermath of the assault.  I’m only living because Jaime needs me; I’m too depressed to write anymore.  I still think about it of course. But in losing control of my own life:  I lost control of my ability to write.

I know, we live in different world now,  but 1st of all:  do we?  And second of all, where are the post coming out movies? I mean, give me a break. With all these “EVERONE’S SO HAPPY YOU’RE GAY, BRO."  bUT, what happens the next day?  And the next?

This really kind, smart, handsome, masculine trans guy.  It was really lovely; he was really big on body contact and holding, which I crave.  I THOUGHT HE WAS STAYING OVER, so when he indicated he couldn’t ‘cause he had workshops Sat. I was really good about wrapping it up and sending him on his way.  I thought I had all his contact info, or at least had the chat saved on the website, but I may not have it at all; which is so typical for me, to not be able to keep in touch with someone I really liked.  This recurring inability of mine, to just successfully perform the basics of recurring contact with guys I like, is really getting to me.  On the bright-side, I discovered I may find trans guys really appealing and they may be more tolerant or even accepting of my T.B.I. erectile dysfunction issues than “norms”.  Or, I may feel better about working through them with trans men, because they’re less erection-identified than the afo...