Rob-world

I just Couldn’t bring myself to go food shopping today.  Butch finally went, and gave me ‘tude about having to go.  I was hoping to make a point to the trust about how my life needed the flexible use of a credit card; not being able to fully run my life under their fucked up, limited/limiting debit card scenario was kinda my whole point.   But, as usual, Butch cock-blocked my efforts, and yelled at me about having to  do so.  Piss off.  Thanks for continuing to let Gil, Peter , and now Bill get away with arranging my use of the trust so I can’t function independently, failing to let my recovery continue because they’re afraid of me fucking up my finances.  Men, you last tried this independence effort when I was 8 or 12 months out of rehab. It’s been about 17 years since.  To say I haven’t grown or learned since then is offensive, short sighted, and just plain wrong. In the short run, I’m wildly grateful to Butch for not letting me starve.  In the long run, not so much.  

Ostensibly to attend the public interment of Matthew Shepherd’s ashes, but looking back, it was a change to assess my own life, and my recovery so far, as well.  #unimpressed #stalled #failure

I’m so far from functional and happy these days.  I feel like everyone’s dismissed my continuing efforts at recovery,  except me.  It’s like even my Trustees now, have accepted the status quo as good enough.  And I’m continuing to toil away here,  fEEilinG like a MADMAN,  insisting my recovery its still continuing, though now moving at an almost glacial pace.  My iPad died last year, and I’ve been too reticent to ask for it to be replaced, figuring I’ll only need to justify it to Trustees who, frankly and largely, haven’t  been paying enough attention to see how my recovery has been stalled , as my Apple products, the keys to my recovery, fall apart  and become passé.  I want a new iPhone.  I need a new iPad primarily to read and a new Mac; the latter’s on it’s last legs and I haven’t had a working version of the former for at least 8 months, probably more.  I find my Trustees lack of trust in my ability to accurately discern and request my recovery needs without verification from Butc...