Which is something of a vicious circle, as then I’m depressed all week because I didn’t go to Meeting. Primarily, I’m depressed over the way Butch treats me; un-doing all my hard won markers of progress in his rush toward his convenience, by doing my shopping, collecting my bank statements, etc. Butch, treats me like crap by forgetting, in their actions that my recovery is an on-going process, that if I’m not making recovery progress, they’re NOT doing their job. I think, taking a hands off approach to my recovery and assuming people took an interest for personal, political, and PAID reasons, somehow fostered the perception that I was less than interested in running my life, down to overseeing the minutae divorced me from sharing in the responsibilities for my recovery, or lack thereof.
NO.
It pains me somewhat to think that people may be offended by the further assertion of my independence. In a way, I see it as the kind of evolution; not “you’re not needed”; but instead ”look how far all your hard work has brought me; thanks SO much.” EVERYONE, Peter, Gil, Judy and Butch, apparently fail to realize: THIS IS PART OF MY RECOVERY. THIS PROGRESS IS JUST WHAT I’ve/WE’ve been working towards this past decade-plus.Or, at least, I always thought so.
Look, if I I fail, I fail. Failure, even repeated, doesn’t scare me. What scares me is not trying.
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