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I turn 56 at midnight

This was written 5/13, but remained un-published until 6/8:

 

What’s really behind me, & what’s and what’s really ahead for me?

The answer is:  everything, and NOT MUCH.  I see no worthwhile future for me.  Jamie needs me.  That’s why I’m alive.

I let the real threat of rain keep me from Meeting today, which further depresses me.  Things are NOT good.  I don’t write anymore, but I think that’s a side effect of my anti-depressants.

I’m miserable, and really don’t see things getting better. But, on the bright side, I’m too much of a coward, to ever kill myself.

If misery loves company, why am I so alone?

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