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"It's coming on Christmas...."

then New Years, two events whose primary effect on my life, increasingly, has been to make me. realize how alone I really am.
This is nothing new, and to be perfectly honest, part. of me REALLY likes it.  No other people to deal with, to walk on eggshells around.   I think I just gave up this past year.  I don't have dreams or aspirations anymore, really.  And it's not the Trust's fault, or Butch's or anybodys; it's mine.  I can at least accept that.  And I know there are those of you who read these and worry about my  past talk of suicide:  WELL DON'T.  I'm  usually just venting, anyway.     And Jaime is really good suicide-prevention; with her bathroom and stomach issues, it's me or the needle.
I choose, me.  I think she does, too.

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I'm sooooooo effing tired.

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